The Visitor
by SoporificCapsule
Summary: Follow Bella, aka 'The Visitor' as she relives her past, all the while hoping she can one day, make amends. Warning: a bit dark and won't stay true to Original Twilight. OOC A/U
1. Chapter 1

**THE VISITOR**

I enter through the entry doors of Forks General Hospital for the first time in what feels like eons. I take in the obvious changes such as the new renovations as well as appraising the older building beneath the shell.

"Hello," I am greeted by Agnus, a permanent fixture of the hospital. She is a very pretty eight-year old girl with beautiful chocolate-coloured ringlets held together with pink ribbons.

"Good morning Agnus, are you well?"

"I have been, but I'm better now. It has been so long since I've seen you. Come, come sit with me and we can talk some more."

I smile serenely at the child, "very well, but I cannot stay long. There are many more places for me to visit today."

"I understand," she pouts sadly.

I follow her to some newly installed plastic chairs and sit beside her. "How come you don't visit more? you know… with your job and all I thought you would be here nearly once a week."

"I'm not the only person with my job description, Agnus. You know that."

"Yeah… I really hate that Jane lady."

"Yeah… we all do." Agnus smiles at my retort, "well, I must be off."

"Wait! before you go, there is someone you simply must see." I raise my eyebrows at her in question, "look, there he is." She points to the left and my gaze follows her direction, "Dr. Cullen!" she hollers loudly at waves vigorously at him.

He smiles in return and approaches us, "good morning Agnus, nice to see you. What brings you here today?"

"Oh! the usual, just hanging around," she replies with a shrug of one shoulder.

"I see…"

"This is Bella, my friend."

He appraises me with a gentle smile and offers his hand, "nice to finally meet one of Agnus's friends."

I shake his hand, wondering what his initial appraisal of me is. "Nice to meet you Dr. Cullen. Say… I'm looking for a patient, can you help me?"

"Of course Bella, who are you looking for?"

"Keith Pieterson."

"Oh, he is in the ICU at the moment, I will have to escort you to him, no unauthorised personnel I'm afraid. Are you his granddaughter?"

"Yes… yes I am," I lie smoothly.

"Well, the rest of your family not long left, you just missed them."

"I'm sure I will catch up with them later," I smile at my own double entrende and stand from my chair and smile down to Agnus, "stay out of mischief Agnus, I don't want to have to come back here before I'm supposed to."

She pouts, her dimples becoming quite prominent in her cheeks, "okay Bella. You should come back more often though, I like our talks."

"Perhaps," I tell her.

"This way, Bella," Dr. Cullen directs so I walk along side him. "So you appear to know Agnus, is there any way I can help her? I can't locate her records or even her parents or any family. She just… lingers around."

"Yeah… she does that. Don't worry too much about her… she'll be fine."

"You look familiar, and I'm pretty good with faces, but I can't quite pin-point where I've seen you before."

I smile knowingly at him, "is this the ICU?"

"Yes, through here," a passing nurse offers him a strange glance before continuing on to her destination. "Mr. Pieterson is a good man, you're very lucky to have had him as a role model."

"Were you the doctor who performed his surgery?" I ask, just out of mere curiosity.

"No, Dr. Thompson performed it, I wasn't rostered on when he was in theatre."

"I thought that may have been the case."

He offers me a strange look, "what do you mean?"

I smile at him, but keep my reply silent. We stop at the end of a standard-issue hospital bed where Keith Pieterson lies still and unconscious. Two intravenous drips connect to his veins while machines monitor exactly what his body is doing. I walk beside his bed and look at his wrinkled face. "Quite a life he has lived, is it not Dr. Cullen?"

"I suppose… when compared to many far less fortunate."

"Yes… " I stroke the old man's face, then lean down and kiss his forehead. The machine beeps as expected and alarms start screeching.

"What?" Dr. Cullen mumbles and hurries to the old man's side.

He scrambles with equipment and such, "Dr. Cullen," he barely spares me a glance, but it is enough for him to note the D.N.R. I point to, written on Keith Pieterson's board. He ceases his scramble and silences the machines, "time of death; ten-oh-nine A.M."

I hold Mr. Pieterson's hand, and help him stand from his bed. The old man looks down on himself, his shock very evident on his face. He looks to me for clarification, just as they all do, so I hug him with the warmth and love he is searching for. "You're okay," I soothe, "are you ready to go home?"

"Y… yes." I let Mr. Pieterson go and re-hold his hand.

"W-What?" Dr. Cullen stammers, likely for the first time in his second life. "Who are you?"

"You already know the answer to that."

"You were there when I was changing… weren't you?"

"Yes… I was." I smile to Mr. Pieterson, and walk him home.

 **A/N: HOPE I DIDN'T DEPRESS ANYONE TOO MUCH LOL. AND IF YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND AGNUS, SHE DIED IN THE HOSPITAL AND NOW ROAMS THE HALLS, SCARING UNSUSPECTING PATIENTS. DR. CULLEN CAN SEE HER BECAUSE HE IS SO CLOSE TO DEATH, BUT HE HASN'T GRASPED THAT HE IS THE ONLY ONE IN THE HOSPITAL THAT SEES HER. AND YES… BELLA IS DEATH.**


	2. Chapter 2

**PART II**

The sodden earth seeps through my jeans and cools the flesh of my buttocks and thighs. I find myself in Forks for the first time in months, awaiting a series of events to unfold in front of me; the sole reason for my presence.

"Thought I might find you here."

I don't turn for the voice; I already know who it is. He sits beside me, soaking his pants through too. "Noah, what brings you here?"

"I have a few minutes before I need to be in Madrid."

I nod, there are only a few breaks in our days where we can have some down time, and only a scarce few minutes at that. "And you chose to be here?"

"Yeah, I promised James to pass on a message to you."

"Young James from Dublin?" I ask.

"No, old James from Oregon."

I nod, putting an old face to the name. "Why were you there? did his wife pass on?"

"No, she is doing very well."

I smile, "that is good news, but why were you there?"

"Oh, their pet Corgi passed, he is a sweet little dog."

I nod, "she must be devastated."

"Yeah, she is. But James wants you to go see him when you can."

I spare Noah a glance, "he is ready to move on?"

"Yes… Margie is doing so well… so well, that she has moved on herself. James doesn't hate her for it or anything like that, he is actually quite happy for her…"

"But it isn't something he wishes to bear witness to," I offer.

"Exactly."

Poor James, as happy as he may be for his wife, it would still be painful for him. "I should have time this afternoon, I'll go visit him then."

"Here they come now," Noah points to two people entering the clearing, a man and a woman.

"Which one is it?" Noah asks.

"Neither, an innocent third party gets caught in the fray."

He offers me a strange look, "caught in the fray? what do they start doing, waving knives around?"

"Just hang around for a bit longer and watch."

The female of the duo starts crying and begging to her male counter-part which he responds to by walking away from her and begging for her to leave immediately; his desperation very evident in his tone.

"No! not until you tell me what is going on!" The woman screeches almost hysterically.

His frame starts shaking from his obvious emotional distress at the situation, and he once again begs her to leave. He slumps to his knees and hunches over, his body shaking more violently now.

"Listen to him, love," Noah offers the situation, not that the woman can hear him.

She approaches the hunched over man and gently… lovingly places her hand on his shoulder. "Please Sam," she begs, "just tell me."

He flinches from her touch, her heartbreak becoming very evident on her face. "I'm…" the man gasps. "I'm sorry." His shuddering frame finally bursts into a giant black wolf, the woman unfortunately getting caught in the explosion of fur and teeth and claws. She is injured severely down her face and neck, but her injuries aren't life threatening.

"Wow…" Noah says, "I've been around for quite a while, and I've never seen anything like that before."

"Mmm." The victim of this scene now prances into the clearing from the west and unfortunately for it, it crosses the path of the panicked wolf. The wolf bats the doe away with its razor sharp claws, delivering the fatal wounds. I stand from the wet earth and rush to the doe's side, embracing it with the love and sympathy I feel for it. "Come on little doe, come home with me."

I release my hold on it and it rises from the ground, not even sparing its corpse a glance. It just stares at me like I'm its world. I embrace it again, "come on, let's go. Thank you for passing on the message Noah, I appreciate it."

"No problem Bella, and I may see you soon, little doe."

It bleats an incomprehensible response to Noah, he then disappears, presumably to Madrid. I pat its head and spare the unfortunate couple in the clearing one last glance. The wolf hasn't calmed down enough to return to his human form yet, but he seems to be able to act more rationally now. He has lowered himself to the ground, silently begging the injured woman to mount his back so he can take her to help. I know he will succeed, for it is not yet her time to go home.

I turn from them and take the young doe to her new home. "You are going to love it there, little doe." It doesn't respond, it just stares with its saucer-like eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**PART III**

I am faced with one of those rare moments where I have free time. Six-point-oh-three minutes to be exact, then I have to go to Auckland, New Zealand where a mother of five will sadly lose her battle with bowel cancer. I set my mental timer and instantly transport myself to my desired destination; Phoenix. I know I am only torturing myself by being here, but like a moth to a flame, I can't help myself.

I place myself in the lounge room of Renee Higginbotham's small home, also known as my mothers home. She lies on the frayed brown sofa, passed out from God only knows what. I tsk at her and walk the familiar path down the hall, and to my old bedroom. My memories of this time in my life are quite hazy, so I don't know what I could be doing in here, but it is likely that I will be stressed out about something Renee has done… or worse, hasn't done.

I walk through the closed wooden door and find my fifteen-year-old self mulling over a pile of papers, chewing on a pen lid and a deep crease in my brow. For a fifteen year old, I sure look old. I sit beside myself and look down at what my younger-self's reading; an electricity bill, well over due. _I_ know it will be paid, I made sure they were all paid… but she doesn't know that yet. I caress her drained face, hoping to offer her some comfort, but I know the gesture will go unnoticed. This Bella's stresses only abate where her mother is concerned when Phil comes into Renee's life and starts paying the bills himself.

I walk back to the lounge room and stare at Renee, wondering what goes through that woman's mind. Whatever it may be, it certainly isn't concern for her daughters welfare.

"Bella."

I jerk around to find Jane has joined me in my mothers lounge room. "Hello Jane."

"What on Earth are you doing here?"

I re-settle my gaze back on Renee, "The same thing you do when you linger around Volterra in your spare time."

"Hmm. Agnus found me in Seattle and wanted me to tell you that she would like a visit from you soon. That girl is super creepy by the way, you really should get her to move on."

"I can't make her do anything, Jane. Besides, she has no one in heaven waiting for her, she was an orphan… give her a break."

She sighs heavily, "yeah, that must be hard."

"How's Alec?"

She shrugs a shoulder, "I don't get to see him much, but I'm sure he's fine. Not much can happen to him anyway."

"Not physically, at least," I retort.

"Well, I'm going, there is an old man waiting for me."

"Be gentle with him, Jane." But she leaves before I finished my sentence.

My younger self emerges from the sanctuary of her bedroom and walks to the kitchen, so I follow. She busies herself with the preparation that comes with making dinner, and likely trying to take her mind off the mounting bills. I look to the calendar, the month reads April. That means Renee will meet Phil next month, which will subsequently lead to the events that brought me to my endless servitude.

I don't remember much about being this age, but I know my adolescence wasn't as cheerful as Renee could have made it.

The woman in question has managed to rouse herself from her slumber on the lounge and joins Bella in the kitchen. She approaches from behind and appraises what she is making for her over her shoulder. Her response is a scrunched up face,"Bella, you know I hate vegetables."

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't eat them, and I'm not going to stop making them."

"Well, put the extra in the fridge for yourself for tomorrow night, I'm getting take-out."

"Yeah… about that, we're going to have to cut our food allowances. We are living well beyond our means and we need to cut back all luxuries; take-out _and_ vegetables included."

"You worry too much Bella, it will be fine, you'll see."

"I'm being serious! our electricity is on the verge of being cut off, _and_ the water."

"Don't worry Bella, let me worry about the bills, you stress about them too much."

My younger self sighs heavily and shakes her head, but remains silent. This is one thing about mother I remember, talking to her was like talking to a brick wall unless it was about something trivial like boys or Phil.

I'm nearing my the end of my free time, so I approach my hovering mother and kiss her on the cheek, "bye Renee." I then walk to my younger self and kiss her on the cheek too, "you will be happy soon… at least for a time."

With a final glance, I leave my past behind.


	4. Chapter 4

**PART IV**

Noah is what I could only describe as a colleague. We get along well enough, better than Jane and I anyway. He was born in London in thirteen-forty-two and lived until he was twenty-six. At the age of twenty-six he was attacked by a horde of vampires rampaging through the streets and left him for dead. He changed, of course and went on to live a further three-hundred-and-twelve years which was cut 'short' by one of the very vampires that contributed to his change. We have both been serving since the beginning of time, our busiest time ever being the great flood. In the thirteen-hundreds, Noah found himself more and more in London. Helping those central to his human life move on to the holy kingdom, or even to hell if that is what they chose. It was torture for him to constantly bear witness to his beloved family. To witness his mistakes, his triumphs. Jane and Alec have also been on the receiving end of this, they still are in fact. Their vampiric existence lasted far longer than Noah's. They don't speak about it, but I know they even watch themselves from the sanctuary of the walls of Volterra.

I myself have refrained from such torment… until recently that is. I found myself in Charlie's house recently, in La Push and even at the old ballet studio in Phoenix. It comes no surprise to me that my time in Forks increases ten-fold. Instead of maybe ten visits a year, I'm expecting my workload to increase to all of the fatalities in Forks. Regardless, I look upon the occurrence as bittersweet. I will undoubtedly be forced to bear witness to my mistakes, my triumphs and worse of all; the uselessness of it all.

"Are you here to see me again, Bella?"

I smile at the sweet child, "of course Agnus. You did tell Jane that you wish to see me, did you not?"

"Yes, I sensed her close by so I thought I would get her to pass on the message. I didn't actually think she would tell you though."

I chuckle, "she may seem bitter, but she is soft on the inside."

"Yes… soft and squishy like lava."

I look around the hospital and note nothing has changed since I was here last, the new renovations still firmly in place. "So what can I do for you kiddo?"

"Oh… nothing. I just like our talks."

I purse my lips, "well, in that case I have good news. You will be seeing a lot more of me soon."

She beams brightly, "yay," her hands clap together loudly. "But why is that? what's happening?"

I sigh heavily, "my human self lived in this time… and I'm about to move to Forks. Incidentally, that also means I will be here a lot more to bear witness to my old life… some sort of sick joke."

"Oh! I had no idea you were human once… but I thought you have always been what you are."

I smile at her, "I have always done what I do, since the beginning of time. But… it's complicated."

"I'm old too Bella, I understand more than you think."

"I know you do sweetheart. Okay, you see, I was once like Dr. Cullen. You know he is different, don't you?"

She nods, "he can see me all the time, but I don't know why."

"Well, it's because he is technically dead. He is a vampire, you see."

Her eyes light up with the new information, "oh! So you were once a vampire too?"

I nod, "yes, and it seems that those who were vampires are stuck with quite the conundrum in the afterlife. While I didn't sell my soul to Satan for immortality, God couldn't exactly let me in either. So… I serve my time like other vampires who have passed on."

"That is so sad. Are you sad Bella? to be stuck forever?"

"Of course not Agnus, I'm helping people. Dying is scary, as you well know."

"I wish you were here when I died, Bella. I don't like Jane, she is nasty."

"But, you're okay now." She nods solemnly, "so are you here for a patient this time?"

"No, I am needed close by soon, so I still have a little time to talk with you."

"Come find Dr. Cullen with me then, let's mess with him."

"Agnus, I'm not sure if that is a good idea. My human self will move here soon and she looks just like me, we can't interfere with a humans course and him seeing me may interfere. It's bad enough he has already seen me before."

"Then let's give you a fake name, a relative maybe."

"You take too much enjoyment out of mischief, Agnus."

"And you don't take enough, Bella. Now come, a relative's name."

I purse my lips, but her pleading eyes are just too much to resist, "fine, my nan Maree, she even looked like me… in her younger years."

She beams, takes my hand and pulls me down the hall. "This is going to be great," she halts her strides and stops suddenly. "Is he allowed to know about us or is that against some rules or something?"

"They usually advise against telling werewolves and vampires stuff or letting them see us, because they usually get violent and lash out… humans usually die unnecessarily. But Dr. Cullen is different, he is much more placid… it'll be fine."

She jerks me along again and pulls us through the closed door labelled Dr. Cullen. His gaze is fixated on some papers, so she rushes us to the seats in front of his desk silently and orders me to sit in a hasty manner. Taking a cue from her, I make myself look bored as though I have been sitting here for a while.

"A-hem," Agnus prompts when she decides she has waited too long for him to notice our presence.

To his credit, he manages to contain any surprise he may have felt and kept his expression decidedly neutral. "Ladies?" He greets, but also questions.

"Hi Dr. Cullen," she beams. "you remember my friend Maree, don't you?"

"Maree? you introduced her as Bella last time, Agnus."

"Did I, how silly of me, her name is definitely Maree." He stares blankly for a time, his gaze shifting between us. Whatever he may be assuming about us, he is composing himself rather well. I know for a fact he can hear no heart beats from either of us, and I also know we have no scent. "I need help Doc," Agnus pleads. "I've been _coffin_ so much my throat hurts and I have this awful ache in my _fang_ teeth after eating some _garlic_." Dr. Cullen stares blankly at the child, likely trying to think of a response that won't incriminate himself. Before he has a chance to respond though, she continues, "then, a _bat_ attacked me and _bit_ me! I think I may have rabies." He continues to appraise her, " so I had _steak_ for breakfast… it really _sucked_." Apparently unable to contain herself, she bursts out with an insane-sounding cackle.

"I'm not related to her," I tell him.

"I—" he doesn't seem able to form a response.

"We won't cause you any trouble Dr. Cullen," I offer. "Come Agnus, you've had your fun, now go haunt some unsuspecting patients. Bye Dr. Cullen."


	5. Chapter 5

**PART V**

I lounge on the branch, staring at the beads of water droplets on the grass below. I have a double-job this time, and it will bode well for me to stay out of sight. As previously predicted, I am in Forks again. Well, in the forests that surround Forks anyway.

On cue, the scene I'm waiting for begins below. A small herd of unsuspecting deer weave through the trees gracefully and seemingly in synchronisation. The predators; that have been flanking them for the past quarter-mile finally strike and take down the two healthiest doe's from the small herd. Their necks are snapped on impact and the life drained out of them in a hasty the corpses of the doe where they lie, the predators take off after the rest of the herd to sate their never-ending thirst. I slide off the branch and hover over the deer, soothing them both.

"You're both okay, come on." The rise from their corpses and look about timidly, "lets go home." I walk with them to their new home where many of their kin reside, where they may frolick in a never-ending luscious forest, much like this one.

"Mehh," one of the doe bleats in response.

Before I disappear with the doe, the herd has come full circle and now surge back over their previous track, trying fruilessly to out-run their pursuers.

I curse audibly and summon my destination to the forefront of my mind, silently begging the place to appear as fast as possible. The scenery overlaps, one forest replacing the other, but not before I am visibly spotted by the predators, seemingly flabergasted by what they see.

"Tsk! Tsk! Isabella," Alec scalds from behind me.

"Yeah... I didn't expect them to come back. Have you ever been spotted?"

"Yeah, I have. By Jane of all people," he chuckles. "She tried to use her power on me, thought I was some sort of imoster or something."

"Did you talk to her? or just leave?"

"I left... then visited myself." He sigh's audibly and comes to stand by me. "I told myself what was in store... what waits him after his death... he took it well."

"You didn't flip him out or anything?"  
"No, he just accepted his fate and went on with his day. I think he was more relieved than anything... to have the question finally answered... whether there is life after death. What the price of being immortal is... it was closure for him... for me. You know... I didn't have the memory until I did it."

I tilt my head to the side, my brow furrowed. "You mean, we can still alter the course our human selves are on?"

"I believe so... change our circumsances. It's too late for me... but you aren't ye changed. Are you?"

"No... I'm not. I suppose the question now, is if I regret the choices that led me here?"

"Indeed." He leans in and kisses my cheek, "take care of yourself Bella... and think about what I said."

"Thank you Alec. I will."

He disappears from beside me, no doubt to bring home his next job. I sigh heavily and watch the doe prance and frolick merrily all about me for a further tewnty-seven seconds, a small smile on my lips. Time to go to Belgium.


	6. Chapter 6

**PART VI**

I don't fasten my seatbelt because I don't need it and I don't want to freak out the two other occupants of the police cruiser. My dad drives and my old self sits in the front seat, an awkward silence encroaching the small cab. My dad attempts to break the stilted atmosphere my former self has set, but she has been determined to hate the place, many years before hand. I shake my head at the silly girl and beg her to appreciate the effort he is trying to put in... he had just gotten his little girl home for the first time since she threw an embarrassing tantrum about going to visit him once a year. I purse my lips and try not to smack myself in the head.

"You cut your hair?" My dad, again trying to engage, but as I said, this Bella is a snivelling whinger. Poor me, I have to live with my other parent, the good one at that. Boo hoo, pity me.

"It's longer since I saw you last," she cuts without sympathy.

"Oh," crestfallen, "it must've grew out." He doesn't bother engaging her again for at least twenty minutes, when he finally tells her that he tried his best to give her a wonderful new life and bought her a car so she can be independant. It is only then that she engages him more, and even then it's sceptical at best.

She doesn't deserve him.

I place my hand on his shoulder, and apologise internally. He deserved much more from me, and I was just an ungrateful little so-and-so.

"This is harder than I thought it was going to be," I mumble to myself feeling nothing but regret.

Seeing the Forks Hospital out the window, I stand up, my feet disappearing into the footwell, the cruiser continuing on without me. Having seen enough of myself, I walk over to the entrance, Agnus ready to recieve me.

"Oh Bella," she claps excitedly. "Did I just see the human you in that car?"

"You sure did, Agnus. I just moved here today."

"I know it's not _you_ , you, but I'm glad I will see more of you now. What _were_ you like when you were human?"

"Just awful, Agnus... just awful."

"I bet you still weren't as awful as Jane."

"Jane was actually really nice when she was human."

"Really, how come she changed so much then?"

"She is just a product of her environment, Agnus. We all are."

"Would you like to see the doctor again? He has been asking about you, you know."

"And what have you told him, Agnus?"

"That you're the tooth fairy, come to take everyone's teeth from their heads."

"You are one creepy child, Agnus."

"Thank you Bella. Now come, he should be in his office."

"I only have two more minutes free time, Agnus, so I can't stay too long."

"So you're not here for someone, then?"

"No, there aren't a lot of people here, you know. There's only like, two deaths a month. Though I'm certain that number will go up soon."

"I hope so, I like you visiting me."

She grabs my hand and skips through some walls and doors until we stop in the familiar office of one Dr. Cullen. Like last time, he doesn't notice our entry so we seat ourselves like last time.

"Ahem," again like last time.

"Good afternoon Agnus, Bella or Maree."

"Maree," I clarify.

"What brings you fine ladies here today?"

"Well," Agnus starts. "I have an awful pain in the neck and you may need to go to the bloodbank, I may need a transfusion."

I groan, "Agnus! enough please."

She huffs, "you're not fun today, I'll see you next time." The young girl gets up and stomps off through the wall.

"She's a ghost, isn't she?" Dr. Cullen asks.

I look to him, assessing, gauging his emotional stability. "Yes, she is."

"You are too?" he asks.

A beat.

"Yes," I lie.

"You don't stay here though, is Agnus bound here?"

"Not bound, per se, but she is connected here more than anywhere else."

"Will she ever move on?"

"There's nothing for her there," I answer.

"There's nothing for her here, either."

"That may be so, Dr. Cullen, but here is what she knows. The unknown is a scary place."

"And what of you?"

"I'm a special case."

"You are very intriguing."

My internal buzzer goes off, "I must be off. I'm needed in Tel Aviv."

I conjure my destination to the forefront of my mind, Dr. Cullen disappearing and the yellowish stone of Tel Aviv solidifying.

"Come and visit me again," Dr. Cullen says to my disappearing form.

Maybe...


	7. Chapter 7

**PART VII**

"I didn't expect to see you for quite some time." He says in a tone that quite clearly says, 'go away.'

"I know," I reply, wary. "But I've been asked to relay a message."

"And?" He doesn't turn to face me, just leaves his back for me to talk to.

"Bruno and Ivan are both ready to move on. I'm not sure what prompted their change of heart, but they requested your services at the earliest convienience."

"Ok, thank you, I'll see them tomorrow," again dismissing me.

I stare at his black-clad back for an immeasurable time... searching for words. Wanting to say much more. Wanting to scream. Cry. Shake him... anything.

"You can go now," he dismisses me.

"I know... I just." I sigh heavily. "I learned something from Alec. Something that may be able to change how things happened."

"You can change the journey, Bella. But the destination will always be the same. Now please, go."

I purse my lips, "I don't know why you are taking this out on me... I'm not the one who wrote your path."

"No... it was Carlisle that doomed me to this life."

I tsk, "you seem quite knowledgeable about our destinations still remaining the same. So tell me Edward, did you try to stop your Earthly self from becoming a vampire?"

He rumbles low in his throat. "Yes..."

My eyebrows shoot up, "and so... what happened?"

"I intervened and a rogue vampire tried to impose on Carlisle's territory... he bit me instead."

"Then as you say... the course is set and it's no one's fault. Don't loathe Carlisle for your fate."

"I still didn't ask for this."

"No, you didn't. But it's high time you accepted your life and move on... it has been over two-thousand years, Edward. You are doing good work, you weren't doomed to hell as you first thought you might. Try to see the bright side."

"You will never understand, Bella... just leave me be."

"Fine. Perhaps you should consider telling your Earthly self his fate, he might not be as hard on himself and actually enjoy life, somewhat."

"You know the rules, Bella."

"They aren't gospel, Edward. I think the Earth-bound Edward will act calmly and rationally, your family wont let him lash out at humans."

"I'll think about it," he replies shortly.

This time, I leave him to his self pity, there's an old woman in Rio that needs me.

I summon my destination and appear in a dirty street with few people sitting about in a lazy manner. I walk through the front door and find the woman in question, one Theresa Nunez, kneading dough, humming softly to herself. I take a seat beside her and watch her hypnotising minstrations, waiting.

The front door kicks in and four men all dressed in black, armed to the teeth, storm in. They scream at the old woman, demanding to know where her grandson is. She can't however, answer them. Theresa Nunez is deaf, hence cannot reply to a question she does not hear. Frustrated, one of the men knocks her on the temple with the butt of his rifle, knocking her to the floor, her head hitting the corner of a close-by bench on the way down. The men then continue on through the house, looking for what they came for.

Theresa gets up from the floor and I smile at her, holding out my hand for her to take. Reluctantly, she takes it, and when she does, I embrace her, trying to abate the violent shaking of her shock.

"It will be okay," I soothe, not that she can understand.

I take her home.


	8. Chapter 8

**PART VIII**

"The ants go marching one-by-one," I mumble as the little black specks maintain their uniformity through the packed, desert-like dirt. It's a sweltering day and they have food aplenty to salvage from the carnage the heat has reaped upon the local fauna.

"Hurrah, hurrah," a sardonic voice finishes for me. Once, that voice gave me shivers and frightened me. Now, it invokes pity. "I've got to admit, I'm getting pretty excited. My time is nearly served and I have immensely enjoyed reviewing my life's triumphs."

I scoff, "you have clearly learned nothing from your service then."

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he tsk's. "I've learned much, I'm not as thick as some."

"How to prolong torturing your victims?" I offer.

He barks a humourless laugh, "I only ever took my fill… I just prefer a challenge."

I sigh, "what do you want?"

He moves and seats himself beside me. "My time is nearly up, and we get the same deal, regardless of sins or humility. I just wanted to point out that even the greater good recognise us as a different species, and survival isn't murder; it's nature."

I roll my shoulders and sigh heavily. "I've never held that against you, James. Or anyone. I couldn't care less if your count was double. What I have a problem with, is your sadistic tendencies and the unnecessary torture of sentient beings." I pause a beat, "why would you even care enough to come to me with this?"

He chuckles humourlessly, his blonde hair covering a good portion of his face. "I was bored."

"Well, you have a mate that can entertain your flights of fancy."

He leans forward, a smirk on his face. "And you think _I_ have learned nothing." I roll my eyes at him, but don't retort. "Mates," he spits. "More horse-shit fed to us. More like, 'someone you can tolerate, until you can't."

I smile a bit at that, "you should look into starting your own greeting-card company… you won't have competition for a while."

"I can think of better things to do with my time."

I raise an eyebrow, " _will_ you continue down the same path?"

James scoffs, "we both know the course is already set."

I half-shrug, "only the destination is set, James, our course is our own to choose."

"Well," he smirks and rubs my cheek with his thumb, "a leopard never changes his spots, Bella."

I pull away from him and shake my head. "A leopard, no. But perhaps you should compare yourself with an adaptive creature, like a chameleon. Change to your environment, not be defined by it."

"That was deep," he patronises. "But I think you are glamorising a chameleon's thought process and motives."

I chuckle, "probably… it sounded better in my head."

"I'm sure everything that comes out of your mouth sounds better in your head."

I roll my eyes at him, "whatever."

"Well, I'm off," he stands and dusts himself off, even though nothing will cling to him.

"Oh," I halt his departure. "Did they say if you will remember everything?"

"No… they did not."

He disappears from sight, leaving me to my solace. A wild dog, chasing a rabbit enter the scene to my right from a crest, the pair scurrying past me and leaving the scene as quickly as they came, a path of destruction and mayhem left in their wake. The ants scatter in a panic. Their fallen brethren lie broken while they attempt to regroup and reorganise. I place my hand on the ground, the five casualties instinctually climbing into my palm.

"Let's go home guys."


	9. Chapter 9

**PART IX**

My eyes flicker behind my eyelids as I contemplate. Like James, my time too, is nearing its end. Not as soon as his, but… soon. I serve, because long before my time, a contract was made with the first of my kind… one bound to those who seek immortality.

Immortality.

The thing about spending forever with the one you love, is forever only lasts until you're dead. A predetermined time upon which your death is inevitable; it is only the means of how, that can be changed.

I still struggle accepting that my choices weren't really my own, and I oft wonder how else I could've become a vampire, if not by my original course. Or how else I would've died, if not at the hands of the Volturi.

I sigh and needlessly rub my eyes. Whoever 'they' are, sure have a sick sense of humour. As if witnessing billions of deaths and thousands of years of history as only a spectator wasn't punishment enough.

"Oh Bella!" Agnus' childish voice echoes through the halls of the hospital. "Have you come to visit, or are you here to work?" Her dimpled-smile grows.

"Both, Agnus. I can stay for a while, but I do have work to do soon."

"Yay!" She bounces on her heels and claps her hands. "So I've seen the human you… and I see what you mean, she's a real Sally-Sob-Story, isn't she?"

I grin at her, but don't answer verbally. "You said you would be here more often, Bella, but you haven't been here in months." She points an accusing finger at me while her other hand is clamped on her hip.

"You look like you've been spending far too much time around the teenage girls of today," I chuckle. "And I'm sorry, you know I don't get to choose where I go."

Her face scrunches up and her pointed finger somehow points at me with more accusation than before. "Don't give me that missy, I know you have free time."

I throw my hands up in surrender, "I'm sorry Agnus, really. It's just… hard being here."

Her face softens and her hands drop, "okay… I'll forgive you. Now, come!" She grabs my hand and yanks me through the walls at an incredibly fast pace, considering how small her legs are.

"To where?" I chuckle.

"Dr. Cullen has been asking endless questions about you and wants you to visit him."

I stop dead, stopping Agnus with me. "That's probably not a good idea, Agnus. With human me around… well, I'd hate to cause some kind of panic or something. Or worse, what if Edward reads his mind! I can't even think about the repercussions of that!"

She sighs heavily and rolls her eyes, "if it were against the rules, you wouldn't even be allowed, or even be allowed to be seen by them."

"While that's true, Agnus, there are still rules about causing turmoil."

She tsk's at me and shakes her head. "Bella, Bella, Bella. There is nothing you could possibly do to change any of these peoples courses."

I raise my eyebrow at her.

She smirks and half-shrugs, "Edward told me. Not Edward, but _Edward_."

"And… has Edward… spoken to anyone or done anything?"

She rolls her eyes, "it's _Edward_. Of course not! He came in, I pestered him for a while, he did his job and couldn't get out of here quick enough."

I purse my lips, and before I can react, she tugs me through the final wall where Dr. Cullen appears to be waiting for us.

"Er… I hope you didn't hear any of that."

He offers a small smile, "and how are you ladies today?"

"Great Doc," Agnus replies enthusiastically. "But I just remembered I left the stove on, so I've got to go. Bye, love you Bella," she pauses for a second with a smirk, "I mean Maree." And she disappears through the wall behind me.

Dr. Cullen barks a laugh, and moves to pull out a seat for me. I don't debate, Agnus' logic is sound, I do however wish for Dr. Cullen to keep my existence from earthly Edward.

"I know it's hard, Dr. Cullen, but to avoid unnecessary repercussions on my part, could I ask you to keep my existence a secret and out of your thoughts."

"Of course Bella, there was no question." I don't correct him with Maree, the situation is beyond that now. Rather than sitting in his office chair behind his desk, Dr. Cullen seats himself beside me in the second patient's chair.

"So… given the recent events around Forks, I am sure you have plenty of questions, so shoot."

I would never put myself in the firing line for this type of questioning, but Carlisle had earned my respect early on in our acquaintance. Any information I hold, will undoubtedly be wasted breath on anyone, but he alone.

"What _are_ you, exactly?"

"Uh… right to it then. This is one of those things you can never un-hear and while you are literally the most calm, rational and understanding person I know, I'm not sure if you are ready for that one."

"Grave it must be, indeed then. I can only surmise, and reassure you I am ready for anything you may say, but I in no way wish to coax anything from you." He leans in a little and rests his elbows on his knees. I personally know vampires can stay in the one position for inordinate amounts of time, so it's either a calculated move or he has an internal timer set to which he moves to, to seem more human. "Is the human Bella, here, you?"

"I'm ashamed to say, yes."

"Ashamed?" His eyebrows shoot up.

I scoff, "you obviously don't know her well enough yet, then."

"Agnus really likes you, you know, she never stops talking about you."

Off the questioning then, I smile. "Yeah, I like Agnus too, she's one quirky kid."

"Creepy," Dr. Cullen adds, "don't forget creepy."

I chuckle, "How is Esme and the others? Doing well?"

He nods, "yeah… they're all doing well… still adjusting to the recent changes."

I nod, "Rosalie… yeah, she's a tough cookie to crack."

"She just… struggles with the life I chose for her." A solemn look crosses his face, the pain and turmoil apparent.

I sigh, and place my hand on his shoulder, allowing my touch to be felt. "You didn't ask the question, but I'm going to give you the information myself. Our courses may change, but the destination is always the same. If you didn't turn her, someone else would've."

He offers me a small smile, "thanks," though whether or not he believes me remains a mystery.

I recall my last conversation with Edward. "You know Dr. Cullen—"

"Please call me Carlisle."

I nod. "Carlisle, back when I was human, and I had not long found out what you were… Edward told me how he turned."

"He—"

I gesture for him to wait. "He said, he was dying of the Spanish Influenza, and his mother asked you to _help_ him, and you did. He hates what you did to him, and so when we… when we were this…" I motion to myself with my free hand, "he tried to stop you. Successfully, I might add, so now tell me Carlisle, was it you who bit Edward to turn him."

His brow furrows, "I hear the truth in your voice, but no… I did not turn him." He places his hand on mine, the one that still rests on his shoulder. "It didn't work though… did it? He still hates me."

"Edward… Edward loves you and hates you, just as Rosalie does."

"So, no matter what we do, we still end up at the same place?"

I nod, "yes."

"How old are you, Bella?"

I laugh softly, "a lot older than you now."

"And… you are to turn?"

"Yes."

"Bella… is what you are because of vampirism?"

I nod, "it is a clause in the original contract made by the first vampire."

"And… are you stuck like this for eternity?"

"No, once my human-self dies, my time is done."

"And, do you go to heaven? Hell? Start over?"

"I… I start over."

His hand squeezes mine, "Oh, Bella." His eyes penetrate mine, conveying enough seriousness to match his tone. "You could be stuck in an infinite loop."

My eyes widen… how had I not thought of that?


	10. Chapter 10

**PART X**

I squirm and my grip on Carlisle's shoulder tightens. If it is hurting him, he doesn't show it. The hum of a dying soul beckons, but I need answers. I push away the beacon to the recesses of my mind and focus on Carlisle.

"Are you okay?" His grip now the one tightening.

I shake my head vigorously in response and again, shake away the beckoning soul. "I've been given a soul to carry through to the other side, but I'm not going. Not until I get answers."

"It doesn't sound like it's something that is easy to resist."

"No… it's worse because they're close."

"Do you need to go?" I nod, but don't verbally answer. "You're still here," he points out.

"Yes, sorry… do you need me to go?"

"No, I just thought you'd, you know… disappear. If you meet me at my car, I'll drive you away from here."

I nod, that definitely sounds better than trying to pop up somewhere else; I'll just keep ending up here.

"I won't be long."

I release his shoulder and he releases his grip on my hand, so I waste no time in running through the walls to his car. I can't believe I didn't think of this before! How many times have I cycled through my life? Is this actually the first? The seventeenth? And if it isn't the first, then I guess I know whether or not I get to keep my memories or not. I slam my head against the head rest and expel the dying tremors of the yearning soul. Someone else will just have to guide them home, because I am not doing any more until I get answers.

Carlisle unlocks the car and seats himself in the driver's seat. "You look better," he notes.

I chuckle, "I'm sure that will only be a temporary status, I'll be punished soon enough."

"Where do you want me to drive you?"

I try to think of a place where I may be free of death, but it is everywhere. "Just someplace we won't be seen together… you'd have fun explaining that to your family."

"From what I understand, Bella, they're _our_ family."

I smile solemnly, "I miss them all so much. But…"

"But…" he prompts.

"When I start over – _if_ I start over- if I still have my memories, then there is no way I can enter a relationship with Edward again. We are now different people… opposite people."

"Yes, you are quite different from human Bella, but, are you saying you and Edward aren't mates."

I shake my head. "Sorry Carlisle, but 'mates' is just horse-shit fed to us. We just find someone we can tolerate being around… until we can't." I'd never admit I just quoted James, but the truth is the truth. "I will still be turned though, and I'll definitely still seek you guys out if it is by someone else's hand, but it won't be to pursue a life with Edward."

"Then, I am sorry for him. He has never been happier, than he is now."

I recall the date in my head, "give it a month."

He shoots me a side-long glance. "I'm not sure I want to know."

I half shrug, "nothing but drama with those two."

"You do realise you're speaking about yourself as a third person, don't you?"

I chuckle, "as I said, I'm a different person now and I find it hard to associate myself with her."

He nods, "so will you be punished?"

I bark a harsh laugh, "I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. I can't think of anything they could possibly do to me." The faint tremors start to reverberate in my chest, signalling my next soul. They are far away this time, so the uncomfortable beaconing is easier to manage.

"I'm _not_ going until I get answers!" I spit through gritted teeth.

"So… just to state the obvious," Carlisle ponders, "you're the grim reaper."

A smile lifts the side of my mouth, "there are far too many deaths in the world for just one person to collect that many souls. There are a few of us, just playing tag until our debt is paid up."

"So, when I die, I'll be doing what you are now."

I nod,"yep."

"And…" he silently gulps, "and, have I died, in your lifetime?"

I couldn't picture the living plane without Dr. Cullen in it and I hope I never have to. "You have not. I'm certain you are destined for far greater things than I… it would be a travesty for you to be taken."

If he were human, I'm sure he would've flushed a bright red. "I'm sure you're exaggerating, but thank you."

"No… I'm not."

I silently ask for answers, knowing my thoughts are my own, but hope for an answer nonetheless.

"So you have a baseball game in a few days, that will be great fun." For a while, but I keep that to myself. "I hope to be able to come watch." Maybe even James will be watching on… he might even try to change his former self's mind.

"Yes, Alice said the storm will be very loud, and it has been quite some time since I've played last, I'm really looking forward to it."

I nod, they were all looking forward to it. "I won't get the chance on the day, but good luck and I… I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

I nod, "you will see why soon enough. Just know that I regret everything." I pause at the heaviness that I have caused, and I'm sure my ominous message has been interpreted in an incorrect manner, but I don't wish to clarify. There is no point. "I'll see you when I have the chance."

I remove myself from his car and appear in the other plane. It's easier to communicate here. I conjure a chair and await some answers.


	11. Chapter 11

**PART XI**

It takes three days, four hours and three seconds for my questions to be answered. As I had hoped, this is indeed my first cycle through, and as I had also hoped, I get to keep my memories. I have never felt such relief in all my three lives. I can have a do-over and right all of my wrongs. My deaths will of course still happen at the same times, but… I can spare much suffering for the ones I love.

As promised, I went to watch the baseball game from afar, James was there to. I thought it was a little strange for him to want to witness the events leading up to his death, but I suppose I will do the same. 'Even if I wasn't here, I'd still die, just somewhere else.' I can see his reasoning.

And so James was killed, and this James disappeared to start over… for the final time. This time around for him, he dies for good.

As expected, I spent a lot more time around Forks where my former failures continue to tease and haunt me. I watch as I burn and piss on my family and friends and they continue to put up with my shit. If I were able to flush from embarrassment, I'd be permanently red.

The door closes behind me, the new occupant of the room letting out a gasp in surprise. "It has been a long time, I trust you are well?"

He, like last time I was here, opts to take the seat beside me. "As well as one can be, how do you fare, Carlisle?"

A small chuckle escapes his lips, "you already know the answer to that."

I nod, because I do know. The time since my last visit has been trying for him, and his family. "Indeed." I offer a small smile, unsure of his opinion of my former self or I. "I know it means little to what's going on, but I am sorry for everything that has happened."

He sighs and slouches back into his chair, the stress of recent events somehow taking its toll on his appearance. While his features are exactly the same, he seems more tired and dishevelled. "It's not your fault, Bella. You shouldn't lay so much blame on your shoulder's, _or_ human Bella's. Though, I suspect she won't be human for much longer."

I half shrug, "she still has ten months."

His brow furrows, "I'm not sure if I want to know." He rubs his forehead much like a human with a stress headache would. I wonder if he actually has a headache.

"I can tell you if you want… it may even relieve the stress of the oncoming months."

"I… I don't know."

I can't contemplate how he has handled the stress his family has caused him, I remember the others crumbling under the pressure of it while he stood tall through it all. Their pillar of strength.

"Well then, let me just say that your skillset will be put to the test."

He barks a laugh, "great, medical problems with -who I can only guess- human Bella. Alright, what am I in for, if it's something venom can't cure.?"

I smile widely, "pregnancy."

He laughs for a bit, then the realisation that I'm not joking sinks in. "Err… _how_?"

I beam, "well Carlisle, when a man and a woman love each other very much—"

Laughing, "that's not what I mean."

"I know, I know. The baby is Edward's, and half vampire."

"Huh. And… I'm guessing the 'drama' doesn't end there?"

My mind flashes to the scene where the Volturi come to kill the 'immortal child.' I play the scene over and over, but my mind just keeps conjuring images of Jane and Alec, where my attention was focused. "Do me a favour, Carlisle… don't let Aro touch you. While there's nothing he can do with the knowledge I've shared with you, I'd hate for him to see you as an asset to keep."

He nods solemnly, "then… the Volturi come for the baby. Is it an immortal child?"

Warmth fills my heart, thinking about my beautiful girl. "No. She grows, has a heartbeat, she's warm, she's… perfect."

"Oh, good. And, is that when you die?"

I shake my head. "No, everyone walks away that day." I don't mention that they track Edward, Ness and I down twelve years later and kill us, no need to depress him.

"That's good." He is silent and contemplative for a beat, "did you get your answers?"

I nod, "I have been assured that I will get to keep my memories when I start over. I can fix my mistakes." I bore my gaze into his, hopefully conveying my feelings. "I promise Carlisle, I will not make you, and your family suffer so much. I will change the journey."

"There is just one thing that is bothering me, Bella." I nod for him to continue. "Am I right to presume you have witnessed another in your situation, finish their sentence?" I nod again. "And time did not reset for you, or me. My point, is, are we all stuck in a never-ending loop of time? Or are you sent back in time?"

I shrug, "I don't know how it works, I'm not that high up on the chain."

He nods, "okay, just curious."

"Well, I'm going to go, someone needs me. I don't know when I'll be back." Or if I ever will be.

And so the next thirteen years both drags and flies as I witness my life unravel. I take notes of how I can change my journey for the better, and yearn to hold Ness in my arms again.

I watch in horror as my baby girl is brutally murdered. Jane and Alec are the only casualties on their part. Then, in both sorrow and relief, I watch Felix toss my dismembered body into the same pyre Edward was thrown into.

Peace floods through my body, then… nothing.


	12. Chapter 12

**PART XII**

 **PREFACE**

I'D NEVER GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW I WOULD DIE—though I'd had reason enough in the last few months—but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.

I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me.

Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.

I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't even be facing death now. But terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.

 **A/N: YES, YOU ARE INDEED CORRECT, ^ THAT IS THE OPENING PAGE TO THE TWILIGHT BOOK -INSERT EVIL LAUGH-**

 **BELLA WAS LIED TO. IF YOU NEED CLARIFICATION; SHE IS STUCK IN AN INFINITE LOOP.**

 **ANYWAY, I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH THIS OFF, RL GETS IN THE WAY OF STUFF.**

 **SHOUTOUT TO SilverontheRose, THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSTRUCTIVE FEED BACK AND ENCOURAGING PM, I APPRECIATE YOUR KIND WORDS.**


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